Greetings from Guam
By James P. Healy
swimguam@kuentos.guam.net

"A peaceful place or so it looks from space. A closer look reveals the human race." From "Throwing Stones" (Grateful Dead, lyrics by John Barlow)

Man, are things spinning out of control here, or is it just me? The maddness in Yugoslavia, Albania, and Macedonia; the tragedy at Columbine High School, the missle test by North Korea...like right at Japan, India's successful atomic explosion, Pakistan's successful atomic explosion. (Successful atomic explosion. Isn't that an oxymoron?) India's successful firing of a medium range missle, Pakistan's successful firing of a medium range missle, the violence in East Timor, The Congo, Sudan, Angola, Sierra Leone, Iraq, Indonesia, Malaysia, and throw in Tibet. Where are we headed? Real "humor" column, huh? Wait, it gets better.

We (my US History classes) just finished going over WWII and the Holocaust, and I started to fill them in on the Cold War when a student raised her hand and asked; "Why does it seem that everything we learn in history is about violence, war and death?" My reply, quite simply and with a touch of grace and panache was, "DAAAHHHHHAAAAAA.....WELLLLLLLLLLLLL.......Maayyyy...beeee...some of it is...but not all of it??!"

"Like What?"

"WELLLLLLLLL...let's take a look at what we have covered this year. There was Columbus discoverying America."

"Oh yeah, Columbus. He's a real hero among the Native Americans - I'm sure," replied the smart student.

"Okay, forget Columbus. Alright, I will just go through everything we have studied and you tell me how many of them have to do with violence, war, or death - let's make that 'violent death' as opposed to just 'death' because Dr. Jack (Kevorkian) might read this column in prison and take offense.

Here we go: French and Indian War, Boston Massacre, Revolutionary War, War of 1812, Mexican-American War, slavery, the Civil War, Lincoln's assassination, the Indian Wars, the Transcontinental Railroad, Immigration, Urbanization, the Roaring Twenties and the mob, World War I, the Great Depression, Albert Einstein, World War II. Now we are about to cover the Cold War, and then it is on to the Korean War, Civil Rights Movement, Vietnam War, Bay of Pigs, Cuban Missle Crisis, JFK's assassination, RFK's assassination, Martin Luther King's assassination, Kent State, Watergate and the Saturday Night Massacre, our little intrusions into Beruit, Grenada, Panama, Iraq, Haiti, Somalia, and, if we have time, we will take a look at Charles Manson and his Family, Jim Jones - former spokesman for Kool-Aid, Idi Amin, Pol Pot, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Keith Moon, the Rodeny King Verdict, and Iron Mike Tyson. So, what's the count?"

"Forty-four," retorted the arrogant student.

"Out of?"

"Ahh...like, Forty-four."

"Ah, like forty-four yourself, Miss Smarty Pants! Okay, I will concede all those with 'War' in it - but they weren't all wars, you know. We got 'Police Actions' in there, along with 'peace-keeping missions,' 'Keep-the-Commies-Out missions,' 'kidnapping missions,' 'Humanatarian Relief' missions. I could go on and on but only a couple were really big declared wars.

The Spanish and Mexican were really quickies: Declare war and BAM! Next thing you know we're saying, 'sign here and we will take that, that, and that chunk of land over there. Good, thanks. Say, can I get that pen back?' I mean it was that quick.

And really, the War of 1812 was rather snappy itself, but we did lose the White House in it.

The girl who is now tutoring me after school on Thursdays quipped, "No. All forty-four have to do with violence, war or violent death."

"What about Einstein, Miss Super Magna Cum Laude?"

To which Miss Rhodes Scholar replied, "He wrote FDR to encourage him to start an atomic research program with the intent of the program to build an atomic bomb or two. Which we dropped on Japan in World WAR II, killing over 100,000 people - men, women and children. Yeah, Einstein fits."

Gulp.

"Yoda, you got something up your sleeve there for the Transcontinental Railraod?"

"Yup. The hundreds, if not thousands, of Chinese gang workers who were either worked to death by the white industrialist pigs or killed by Native Americans who were trying to stop the white man from running a train through their back yard."

Well, to make a long column not a really, really long column, I eventually got her on one - I can't remember exactly which one - it was right off the top of my head, but, rest assured, I got her.

The point is that everything is okay - the world is just as its always been.

Hafa Adai

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