Our Hometown
|
|
Greetings from Guam "Beware the fury of a patient man." John Dryden (1631-1700) English poet I generally consider myself to be a patient and extremely easygoing individual, although I am sure some of my current and former swimmers would take exception to that. Before I came to Guam, I only had three pet peeves: skies that are gray and devoid of the sun for six months straight; students who "snap" their gum; and people who talk in movie theaters. Since moving to Guam, I no longer have to worry about gray skies. As a matter of fact, about a week ago we had three days of heavy rain - the first real rain since Super Typhoon Paka back in December of 1997 - and I was psyched. I coached two of those days standing in the rain in just shorts and a tee shirt and loved every minute of it. Everyone was giving me the "What is with that idiot?" look. (I'm used to it. It's when people are not giving me that look that I become concerned. Am I getting off track here? Sorry, won't happen again.) Okay, I lost a peeve in the gray skies thing, but touche, I picked up a new one here - people who bring their infants, babies, children, young'uns, child-like offspring, or whatever you want to call them, to movie theaters. This problem is pandemic here on Guam. I am not talking about movies such as Mulan, Antz, or Jungle Boy VI. I am talking about 'R' rated movies such as Saving Private Ryan, The Thin Red Line, and Something About Mary. Now, back in the states, I learned how to deal with people who talked during movies. I did one of two things: Option #1 - move to another seat if possible. Option #2 - jump into the conversation with the couple in front of or behind you. They will do one of two things: Option #1 - they will stop talking just to avoid having you butt into their little chat. Option #2 - they will politely ask you to mind your own business and leave them alone. To which you reply, "Well I naturally assumed that because you were talking SO LOUD you wanted me to be involved in your conversation. Sorry, my mistake. Enjoy the movie." But this local problem of children running rampant around the theater is a totally different predicament. I have been to about seven movies in my two years here and four out of the seven had young children - I am talking six-months to 10 years, and everything in between. The reason that this is so mystifying to me is because almost everyone here has a gazillion relatives that they could leave the kids with...but Noooooooo, they have to take their hyper-sugar-infested children to see Saving Private Ryan. I have talked to more people about this and they all agree that it is a real problem. Many have asked for their money back or simply left. I went to see the Thin Red Line about two weeks ago on a Monday afternoon. There were seven people in the theater: myself, a couple, and another couple and their two-year-old girl and five-year-old boy. The little girl cried about five times throughout the movie. The five-year-old was running up and down the aisle and dashing in and out of the rows. The father got tired of his own kids bothering him and he moved up into the last row of the theater! I left after about two hours. (I knew it was a three-hour movie and I was afraid I would blurt something out like "You got a leash for those kids?" and the father would produce a machete out of thin air and hack me to bits. Beware the fury of a defensive parent.) On a lighter note, I stopped in to a beauty salon for a haircut (I just stop in anywhere when the thought of a haircut arises) and met someone weirder than myself. I know. "Impossible," you say. Well, you be the judge. She asked me what I do and I told her I am a history teacher. The following was her response - verbatim. "Oh, I loved history! I was very good in history. I memorized everything in history. I was so good in history that my nickname used to be 'The Dictionary.' But since I came to Guam, I have forgotten everything, so don't quiz me. The heat here is not good for thinking. I think the heat shrunk my brain." And she was dead serious. She told me to be sure to wear a hat when I am outside. That had to be the most interesting haircut I've ever had. She did a good job and I think I will go back there, just to see what other free tips I can weasel out of her. If nothing else, it makes me feel a little better about my own sanity. So, if you decide to come and visit our beautiful island, wear a hat and avoid the movie theaters. Hafa Adai Copyright © 1999 |
    Ads have a Patent Pending. Click Here for More Information  |
