"It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the
chance?" - Ronald Reagan
Happy New Year. Good news from the Philippines: On New Year's Eve, only 1,000
people were injured from stray bullets and homemade fireworks - which is a significant
decrease from last year. (I hope none of my loyal readers were accidently shot to death or
blown up on New Year's Eve.) Might want to consider crossing the Philippines off of your
list of places to go for New Year's Eve. Another place you do not want to be on New Year's
Eve is on a boat anywhere near Guam. It seems that anyone who owns a gun on Guam takes
time out from their busy drunken New Year's Eve schedule to fire off a couple hundred
rounds towards the ocean.
Seeing that I do not own a gun, at midnight this past New Year's Eve, I went outside
amidst the hail of gun fire from my neighbors, and threw steak knives into the air. Man,
that was fun, let me tell you.
Seeing that every media source on the planet is doing some kind of 1998 recap of major
events, I must follow suit and provide you with my own recap of the major events in my
life here in paradise during 1998.
10. Aug. 1 - For some unexplained reason (divine intervention?), the school I
teach at decided to keep me on the payroll for another year. I did not bribe anyone and I
am not related to anyone at the school or at the Department of Education...go figure?
9. Dec. 14 - If there is one thing I hate about living in paradise, it's the
size of the insects - they're all tropical mutants. I was attacked by a cockroach the size
of a guinea pig. It dropped in on my head from the air conditioner, which is right above
my desk where my computer is. It then disappeared under my bed. I could not find it, so
that night I slept with the light on for the first time since I was five years old. How
pathetic is that?
8. Nov. 23 - For the second time in two years I was fortunate enough to attend a
speaking event of the President of the United States. Never mind that it was Clinton, it
was another chance to see and experience the aura of the presidency, the leader of the
free world and the commander-in-chief of the most powerful nation in the world. No matter
how you slice it, that is big.
7. Nov. 20 - Ever wonder what it would be like to be in the middle of a riot?
Well, look no further. Four gangs totaling about 40 to 50 students (each gang based on a
certain ethnic group) decided to mix it up during lunch and yours truly just happened to
be in the middle of it. It was a cross between watching a pride of lions attacking a herd
of zebras on the Discovery Channel and watching the aftermath of the Rodney King verdict.
Remember when the white truck driver (Reginald Denny) was dragged from his truck? A
student and a school aide were stabbed with wooden shish kabob skewers. (Needless to say
they are no longer serving shish kabobs at our school.)
6. May 21 - My dog Petie bit me in the face. I cannot comment further, because
the lawsuit is still pending.
5. Dec. 26 - A friend and I attempted to ride a wave in to shore in a two-man
kayak. These were his last words of advice before we tried our less than brillant
maneuver: "Okay, the only thing we don't want to do is a nose plant into the reef -
just paddle fast." We didn't paddle fast enough, I have the scars and broken foot to
prove it. I guess that would explain why there are no kayak surfing competitions.
4. Feb. 10 - I had the Spam Slam at Denny's....let's just leave it at that.
3. Feb. 21 - I had the honor to meet and go hiking with Mykon, leader of the
Hill People and King of the trolls. He has become a good friend and has subsequently
allowed me to become an honorary member of the Hill People - it's a hiking thing.
2. Aug. 21- Mom arrives to check up on her childern in the Pacific!
1. 1998 was typhoon-free!
Have a safe and Happy New Year!
