Our Hometown
|
|
Greetings from Guam Politics is a choice of enemas. You're gonna get it up the (expletive), no matter what you do. - George V. Higgins (b. 1939), U.S. novelist. Ahh, yes, least I forget, the political season is upon us. Speaking of political enemas, this November, we will be voting for our islands' 15 senators - which comprises our legislature. This should be an interesting campaign season...oh boy, I can hardly wait. Our fair island is in rough shape economically - more so our local government than the private sector. This is probably because in the private sector, companies do something really crazy, called long term planning. They actually study and research what the long term outcomes might be for actions proposed or taken today...boy, are they nuts or what? Those crazy Private Sekies - kinda like Trekies, only more corporate-like. My gist is that our legislators look for the quick fix. Here is a current prime example. Our government is bloated with a lot of highly paid unqualified people. So, to trim the size of GovGuam, a senator proposed, and the legislature, agreed to create an early-out and early retirement program. The government offered people six months salary to go, and a sweet early retirement deal. At the same time, the legislature also passed a hiring freeze. ( I do not know what senator proposed this doozie, to piggy-back the early out/retirement - that makes sense.) So, everyone jumps ship and we are left with incredible shortages - most noticeably in education and the hospital staff - mostly nurses. The end result is that we are going to have to go and hire these positions back - boy, saved a lot of money there. What I really wanted to get to was the point that I should run for the legislature - 'Oh Senator Healy....yes, table for two. Right this way, Senator.' (Sounds good, doesn't it? Senator Healy. Go ahead, say it out loud - 'Senator Healy.' Kind of flows.) Yeah, so that's why I want to be in the legislature. My campaign slogan: Senator Healy - Why? Because it just sounds good. Add in a nice big smiling picture of me brandishing a machete. God, I'd vote for me if I saw that campaign sign. Now, you probably want to know my platform and my agenda. Well, contrary to popular legislative campaigning policy, I will run on the slogan to promise to never introduce any new bills and vote no against all new proposed bills. The press will dub me 'Nay Man.' As my friend Myk Powell says - and yes, I am stealing your ideas Myk, thanks - why not try enforcing the existing laws as opposed to creating new ones? Good point. Makes sense. Definitely won't catch on here. If I did get elected on that platform, I would just keep teaching and tell them to keep my senator's salary. I wouldn't have to go to committee meetings because the committee members would know how I was going to vote and I could just call up and vote 'NAY' over the phone. And if my fellow committee members ask me to research something, I will say 'Nay' because it has already probably been researched 25 times in the last 50 years and there are currently 10 laws on the books that deal with it anyhow.
Wow, what a great job that would be. Okay, I've got to go fundraise now. Go ahead, say it one last time for the road - Senator Healy. Admit it, it just sounds good, right?
Hafa Adai Copyright
©
2000 |
     Ads have a Patent Pending. Click Here for More Information  |
