Our Hometown
|
|
Greetings from Guam I apologize to all (mostly my family, friends and relatives) who had thought, hoped and prayed that you had heard the last of me and my legendary dribble, but like Freddie Krueger and Michael Meyers, I am impossible to get rid of. Sorry. But it's not my fault - I think I'm possessed by the spirit of a really bad unintellectual writer from Medieval France. If you really want to be mad and disgusted at someone for this awful reoccurring nightmare of a column, try my good friend, Donna Comella - after all, she's the one who actually prints this gobbledygook! Please direct all hate mail to her. Thank you. But I would also like to thank my many fans - all four of you .... in cell block 'C' at the Wayne County Jail for your inspiration and tireless support and encouragement. To Louie, Big Bob, Hector, and 'Lefty,' a sincere thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to write and, as always, best of luck at your next parole hearings. I love you guys. Okay, all formalities aside, let me catch everyone up on what has been happening on Guam. July 5 typhoon, July 11 typhoon, and July 22 a pleasant 88 degrees with a slight breeze out of the southwest. Luckily for me, I was in Hawaii from July 3 to the 11th at a swim meet and then on to Maine and New York for some R & R. Yeah, just didn't get enough R & R in Waikiki ... woe is me ... sympathy? .... anyone? .... Louie? Oh forget it, you people just don't understand the pressures we eccentric literary geniuses have to deal with. And neither do I, but if you were in charge of thirteen kids ages 9-15 and had to share a hotel room with 3 boys - ages 9, 11 and 12 - for eight days, you would need a vacation too! We arrived on July 3 in Hawaii but the meet started on the 5th, so on the 4th - at the behest of the kids, I took them to the mall. They all wanted to go shopping at the Alamoana Mall. In fact, that's all they ever wanted to do on our days off from swimming. Hike up Diamond Head? Nope. 'Can we go to the mall?' Pearl Harbor and the Arizona Memorial? 'Do we have to? Can we go to the mall? Please Coach?' I think we went to the mall four times - Alamoana Mall and then the Pearl Ridge Mall. So, the older kids bought CD's (music not investment), clothes, Game Boy cartridges and lots of other stuff they could get on Guam in our mall. The younger kids - boys, all of whom were rooming with me - bought Star Wars action figures, complete with little laser guns and light sabers. They come in packages that warn parents that they are not for little children because they could choke on the little pieces. But where is the warning for the adults about how much a little plastic Anikan Skywalker Light Saber will hurt when it becomes imbedded in your foot as you tip-toe to the bathroom in the middle of the night? Huh? Where the heck is that warning? Finally, in June, I took seven swimmers to the Oceania Swimming Championships in Noumea, New Caledonia. Exactly - where is that? That, my loyal legions, is a cigar shaped island (running NW to SE), surrounded by many smaller volcanic islands and atolls, which lies east of Australia. The main island is 300 miles long by 30 miles wide (total area of the islands is 7370 square miles). It lies just inside the tropics, and its climate is just a bit cooler than Hawaii. It is a French Territory first 'discovered' by Captain James Cook of Britain in 1774-75. The French later claimed it in the early 1800's and made it a penal colony. The official language is French but they are the minority, the locals are Melanesian and are called Kanaks. I hate to reinforce stereotypes but, the French are not the friendliest lot, especially when compared to Pacific Islanders who are by far the friendliest people I have ever run across. Then throw in the fact that we were there during the World Cup and the French were bounced in the first round and the Americans were bounding into the quarter finals. They were all absolutely miserable, and, of course, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to ask everyone I met how the French team was doing. (They had already been eliminated ... hee hee). 'Oh, that's too bad. I'm American and we are in the quarter finals. Have a nice day.' But I will say one thing about the French, they know how to dine. We flew on Air France and I had by far and away the best meal I have ever had on a plane. We were not given a choice between mystery meat and chicken surprise, we were given a bloody menu - complete with free wine if one wished. (I declined.) And the coffee was the best I have had anywhere - period. I think the flight was the highlight of my trip. So, if you get the chance to go to France, do it. Just make it a round trip with a two-hour stay at the airport and then fly back to the US.
Hafa Adai P.S. I had nothing to do with that Gumbiovia thing. Copyright
©
2002 |
       |
